Today is April 16th. And what does that mean? Tomorrow is my 30th birthday! Cue the wine glass clinks!
I can vividly remember thinking how far off “my 30s” sounded at one point in my life. Well, the day has finally come, ole girl.
I started to play the reel of my 20s in my head this week, and boy was it a doozy. That rewind button needed to be paused a few times. It was emotional for me and not in a nostalgic, glory days kind of way. My emotions were firing on all cylinders, and I was left wondering if I was proud of the person that I’ve become.
As I approach this new decade, I realize it is time to close a particular chapter of my life so I only bring good vibrations and energy into my momentous 30s. I’m committed to being who I am, discovering more of what I love, and going for it fearlessly. The first step, though, is forgiveness and the next is gratitude.
You can’t heal what you never reveal.
Jay-Z always brings the truth bombs, am I right? Because when we choose to ignore what’s happened to us we can’t actually heal from it.
So, because of that, I want to share with you 3 things that are guaranteed to make your life harder and heavier. I’ve experienced these first hand, and they were brutal AF. I’ve felt the consequences and guilt of lacking in certain departments or being completely void in each of these categories. Today, I will forgive myself, and I will make the decision to accept gratitude instead, thus bringing in a renewed life of joy and stimulation.
For Not Loving Myself
I forgive myself for not prioritizing my own happiness. I forgive myself for allowing self-deprecating thoughts in my energy space. I forgive myself for doubting my value and worth. I forgive myself for suffocating and poisoning my mind, body, and spirit. I forgive myself for shutting out God completely. I forgive myself for my avoidances, empty promises, and mistakes. I forgive myself for fostering anger, numbness, fear, and rigidity. I forgive myself for not believing in my full (and amazing) potential.
To the girl I was then, I forgive you and know you are loved today.
For Refusing To Grow
I forgive myself for believing that vulnerability was a sign of weakness. I forgive myself for being embarrassed of riding the struggle bus (frequently.) I forgive myself for being ashamed of failure. I forgive myself for allowing anxiety and fear to control my thoughts and actions. I forgive myself for comparing myself to others. I forgive myself for resisting change and growth. I forgive myself for smothering the hard questions in my head. I forgive myself for telling myself I was fine when I knew damn well I really wasn’t. I forgive myself for not asking for help sooner. I forgive myself for doubting my courage and bravery. I forgive myself for not doing what was best for me sooner.
To the girl I was then, I forgive you, and I’m proud of all you’ve already done and all you will do.
For Not Letting Go
I forgive myself for believing being busy was the same as being productive. I forgive myself for not protecting my energy and spirit. I forgive myself for holding onto guilt, anger, resentment, disappointment, frustration, and heaviness in my heart and soul. I forgive myself for not showing up when I needed to. I forgive myself for not paying attention when I needed to. I forgive myself for not telling the truth when I needed to. I forgive myself for not letting go when I needed to.
To the girl I was then, I forgive you, and I’m ready to let go of you today.
If you want light to come into your life, you need to stand where it is shining.
- Guy Finley
The hard truth here is we all have things in our lives that we need to forgive ourselves for. Knowing when it’s time to forgive yourself and move forward is one of the biggest triumphs you’ll ever experience. For all that you have to offer this world, don’t shut yourself off because you’re afraid of what you've done in the past. You are the light regardless of the darkness you’ve ever experienced.
Forgive yourself today, girl. Call it a birthday present to me! Cheers to moving forward (and not being scared of the big 3-0!)