Keep It Real + Live Your Life

By Claire Lam

No doubt about it, it’s not always easy to be true to yourself. There are moments in each of our stories where the truth of how we are actually doing or what we might be going through isn’t pretty or fun to talk about. Life isn’t all sunshine, smiles, and (you guessed it) flowers.

Do you ever find yourself hiding from your truth?

I imagine that you’ve heard the old expression “hold your tongue.” If you haven’t (or just need a refresher,) it means to remain silent. Unfortunately, many of us are afraid to speak the truth so we do just that - we hold our tongues. From there, we find ourselves continuously putting on a mask to hide our struggles. We hope by doing this that the turbulence might magically disappear sooner or later. (If only concealing and overcoming silently was that easy, right?) But the truth is…I think it’s time to break out of the silence cage and use way “more tongue.” It’s time to speak up and live your truth.

This might come as a surprise to some, but friends, I do write about what I know from my own personal experiences. Some folks don’t write entirely from this perspective because they’re embarrassed, ashamed, scared, or whatever else. I will say, it’s tricky to learn how to let go and to still hold on (in some respects) at the same time.

Owning your shit while starting a new life is a beautiful mess.

I write about hard truths as they are revealed to me. These are universally difficult, oftentimes stigmatized, and very complex topics. And I do this from a 30-year-old female’s perspective with my own “dirty laundry” and "bag of rocks." I’ve been married, divorced, and remarried. I’ve secretly battled physical, mental and emotional turmoil for years. I’ve learned the importance of admitting and accepting what are real and fake forms of inspiration in my life. Incredibly or thankfully, I’ve discovered how to be vulnerable through it all.

What makes my words compelling and stimulating is that they truly can (and should) be interpreted and molded to fit your situation, regardless of your age, gender, and life experiences. At the very least, they’re thought-provoking. My primary goal is to simply start the conversation with you - no bullshit, just real shit. 

In the end, we are all the same kind of different. We are all trying to live and learn while searching for abundant life.

Some of you already know that “Less Flowers More Tongue” is my mantra. It was coined after reading the brilliant book The 5 Love Languages and applying Chapman’s powerful words to my life.

Less Flowers More Tongue deliberately and playfully acknowledges my love language (physical touch = sex & passion.) It’s also meant to be a picture of what my love language is not (gifts = stuff & fluff.) This phrase is a pillar of effective communication in my marriage today. 

With all of my truth for the world to see, there’s still more beneath the surface of this bold, cheeky phrase. It explains why I’m doing this - why I’m committed to writing about these hard topics. It’s a double entendre, if you shall, that defines my purpose driven life. 

Dude, we’re all of fragile mind and body, but that fact won’t stop me from giving it to you straight here. This means cutting the fantastical, ego-pleasing, flowery bullshit out of hard conversations. Tip-toeing around the subject matter won’t accomplish anything for anyone. It only creates more vagueness and confusion, and that’s not the way to effectively communicate.

We’ve got to be accountable and openly embrace that there’s no pretending in personal growth. I’m not going to write as a surveyor that is spared from the harsh elements of reality. I’m very much in the mind and body trenches with you, friend. I’ve felt (and I still feel) the same ways you do every single day. 

Anger is anger. Loneliness is loneliness. Confusion is confusion. Exhaustion is exhaustion. Fear is fear.

The only variable might be the root cause of those feelings, but I assure you that the effect is commonly felt and rarely acknowledged (to its fullest extent.) I’m still letting go of the past, striving for self awareness, and finding inspiration. Less Flowers More Tongue is all for the honest pursuit of happiness.

What you’ll find here is that I mainly use myself and my experiences as the vessel of vulnerability. I hope this creates a feeling of solidarity - a united feeling between us that lets you know you’re not alone. I’m an ordinary person that’s made the conscious decision to open myself up to the world. And, by exposing myself, I hope to help someone else navigate the hard truths of life, love, and health. Just like you, I’m a work in progress.

At one point or another, we’ve all been guilty of over-simplifying or over-glamorizing our life. Someone asks a generic question about how you’re doing…how your work is going…how your family is…what you’ve been up to…etc…and your typical reply is programed to be generic and rather emotionless. On the other side, it might even be chipper and oddly ideal. Either sound familiar to you?

The ferocious static and abrupt disruptions we experience along the way are inevitable. These are part of abundant life! The choice then becomes do we chose to talk about them honestly with each other or not. However, sharing your truth and complaining about your truth are two very different things. It’s important to understand the distinction.

I promise that in our relationship here, at Less Flowers More Tongue, there will be no shortage of difficult conversations. Sometimes (many times, even) I feel tossed around or barely patched up, but buddy, you know I’m still floatin’, even if I’m scooping the water out of my own boat. The fact is that a relationship (with yourself or another person) that has little-to-no difficult conversations has a lot of secrets. Let me repeat - a lot of secrets!

So, how about you? Would you rather be hurt by sheltering yourself from the truth storm or by confronting it and working towards healing and growth?

You have one life to live. Live it true and real, friend. 

It is, and always will be, my goal to turn you on with conversations containing less flowers and way more tongue. Remember, Less Flowers More Tongue is all for our honest pursuit of happiness.

XO,

Bear

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